Let’s face it, separation is tough for parents and especially for the kids; a new life, new arrangements and loss of anything familiar is what they’re bound to face. As a parent, you should do everything to help your child cope and it doesn’t matter what age your child was when it happened, they still need support in the adjustment. We’re here to discuss mistakes that you really need to avoid when handling kidsafterseparation.
Don’t Turn them into Messengers
This happens way too often, one parent wants their message to come across the other without actually having to face them. In the end they use the child as a messenger, always starting with ‘Tell you mother that…’, ‘tell your father I’m…’, ‘what is their problem with…’
Don’t, just don’t do this to your child; it’s traumatizing and emotionally stressful. There are options like email, phones and text messenger so you don’t have to do this to your child.
Another thing that’s difficult for the kid is the new set; mom gets to have them for the weekdays and dad gets to spend time with them on the weekend. You may not realize it, but that is a major shift of anything they find familiar. So when you drop them off to your partner’s house, it’s better if you tell them to ‘think of it as a weekend vacation’. Just dropping them off will leave them disoriented; they don’t know how to fit the change in their lives and they’ll tip toe around one parent.
Repair Damages You and Your Partner Have Done
We can’t stress this enough, a lot of parents forget to apologize or offer proper explanation to their children. In the child’s point of view, since they can’t fully understand the situation on their own, they think that they might have been a reason for the separation. Such idea, no matter how incorrect it is, can shape the child as they grow and mature; they might carry the burden without you knowing.
First thing is to apologize to the children, a simple sorry can go a long way. It doesn’t matter which one of you the most damage to the marriage, both of you have affected them so just apologize. Next is explaining to them what really happened, in the simplest way possible. Also, avoid criticizing you ex in front of them or while you explain, at the end of the day your ex is still their parent too.